Saying “no” is harder than it sounds. TallSky Executive Coach and HR Associate Meredith Campbell-Jess shares a thoughtful reflection on the subtle art of setting boundaries, choosing where our energy goes, and why “yes” isn’t always the best answer. We’re grateful to Meredith for allowing us to share her piece on the TallSky blog. You can also follow more of Meredith’s writing on Substack.
Saying no is an art. One that I am nowhere near mastering.
Don’t get me wrong, I try. I am practicing and have been for a long time. But it still feels like a work in progress.
What’s funny is that my mother will tell you that “no” was probably my first word. And apparently, I said it on repeat. Loudly. Fiercely. With conviction. Somewhere between toddlerhood and adulthood, though, something changed.
My oldest daughter, who is wise beyond her years, will sometimes look at me and say, “You know you can say no, Mom.” And I respond, “I do.” But if I’m being honest, I often don’t. What I do instead is something adjacent to no. I delay. I redirect. I hedge. I say things like “Let me think about it,” or “I’ll see what I can do,” or “Maybe another time.” I find ways of not saying yes without actually saying no.
Which makes me curious about what that’s about.
Is it because I don’t want to disappoint people? Is it because I genuinely love doing things and don’t want to miss out? Is it people pleasing? Is it wanting to help?
Probably some combination of all of the above.
I like being useful. I like being involved. I like showing up when someone needs something. There is a deep satisfaction in contributing, supporting, building, and saying ‘yes’ to opportunities that matter. But there is also a subtle cost that sneaks in when yes becomes the default.
‘Yes’ fills calendars. ‘Yes’ stretches energy. ‘Yes’ slowly crowds out the space where thinking, resting, and creating are supposed to live. And eventually you realize that every ‘yes’, even the good ones, is also a ‘no’ to something else.
A ‘no’ to time. A ‘no’ to focus. Sometimes a ‘no’ to the things that matter most. That is the part of the art I am still learning.
Saying no is not about being unhelpful or disengaged. It is not about becoming the person who shuts doors or withdraws from the world. It is about choosing. Choosing where your energy goes. Choosing where you show up fully instead of thinly everywhere. Choosing the commitments that align with who you are and what matters right now.
It sounds so simple when you say it like that. In practice, it can feel surprisingly uncomfortable.
Because saying no requires clarity. It requires boundaries. And sometimes it requires tolerating the small moment of disappointment or awkwardness that follows.
But I’m starting to think that saying no well might actually be an act of respect. Respect for your time, your energy, and your ability to show up well for the things you do choose. And maybe that’s why it feels like an art.
It takes awareness. It takes practice. And apparently, if my childhood reputation is any indication, it takes reconnecting with a skill I once had in abundance.
For now, I’m still saying yes more often than I should. But at least I’m noticing and that is a good step in the right direction.